Dear friend, you gotta a minute?

True story!

A few old friends FINALLY get together,

have a terrific evening

laughing and reflecting on good times

and when all is said and done,

these are the words that follow.

“Why did we wait so long to do this?”

which got me to thinking

so here goes…

save-the-excuses-it-s-not-about-having-time-it-s-about-making-time-for-someone

Life has such a way of keeping us busy

and for the most part

out of touch.

We manage throughout every stage of our lives

to make connections with special people

we weren’t really expecting

to appear in the first place,

but they do.

Fate has us meeting the friends we were supposed to meet

who instantly become special pieces of our hearts.

Never forgotten are the cherished memories

 and yet the one thing we all manage to do

is let this thing called

“life”

draw us away from each other.

Relationships, careers, kids

and everything else in between

is the wedge that can put months and even years

between it all

and not to say there is anything wrong with that,

but as time quickly slips away

and the years begin falling behind us

it’s not until than that we will actually

try to put some perspective into things.

We start making statements like

“why did we wait so long for this to happen?”

or

“I can’t believe it’s been this long since we’ve seen each other.”

I don’t think it’s a conscious effort

to ignore or push anyone aside.

Life just gets stupid

and we all fall into that trap

which can make it difficult to gather

but sometimes a phone call is all that is needed

to get the ball rolling,

however there is one thing that we kind of forget

when we are trying to justify our reasons.

 Did you know the telephone was invented in 1876,

(and yes I had to Google that to be sure of myself)

so unless you live in a cave,

 could you be thinking

what I am thinking?

“What the hell excuse do I have now?”

What is interesting

is if we do manage to squeeze in

a much-needed gathering

or get together,

how quickly we realize how time has flown by

once we make the effort.

How precious the moments we once shared

have now brought us back to such an incredible time of our lives.

How much funnier the stupid things we did together

can have us splitting our sides

like it did back in the day

and best of all

how the endearing qualities of our friendships

is what is missed the most

when we actually stop making all those damn excuses.

people-laughing-cartoon

I am no better than most

and I have found myself saying things like,

“we have to get together”

or

” I’ll call you soon.”

which is usually followed silently

in my own mind with

“before it’s too late”

or

“before one of us is gone.”

Sorry for the reality check,

but at this stage of the game,

nothing can stop you dead in your tracks

like regret

or missed opportunities.

As I bring this to an end

what I suppose I’m aiming for

isn’t so much that skies open up for you,

or you have one of those

“A-Ha!” moments

and begin calling every person that matters

on your contact list today

but rather just planting the seed

that life is very short.

As the saying goes

dont_put_off_until_tomorrow_what_you_can_do_today

One more thing to add

is although it may be something that fills your heart

with peace and contentment

once you decide to stop with the excuses

and make that call

or set up a much-needed get together,

there is a very good chance

that the word

“regret”

will quickly be replaced with the word

“grateful”

How incredible is that?

So if you will excuse me,

I am feeling the need

to make a few calls 🙂

Make it a great day

and God bless my friends!

Shopping on a Saturday…what was I thinking??

not a happy camper

Knowing full well that Wal-Mart

is crazy stupid on a Saturday

especially with a rainy forecast

for the whole weekend

and with the on set

of Halloween and Christmas lurking

around the corner

 I decided to go anyway.

I did my rounds to pick up a few things

and made my way to the check out lines

which as usual

weren’t all open

and long as hell

however I knew this going in

so really I had no one to blame but myself

for taking my chances.

While standing and waiting

in a very long line,

an old fart

(and I am trying to remain nice here)

was ahead of me.

He clearly looked

like someone crapped in his corn flakes

 judging by the scowl on his face,

and he sort of resembled Don Rickles

in a small and very weird way.

don rickles

He managed to stop a young man

wearing his blue vest

and running past us

with a hand full of boxes in his hand.

The old fart needed to make it very clear

how annoyed he was

standing there,

and reaming the poor young lad

for such an inconvenience.

Telling him he had better things to do

than to stand in a long line up

and if they wanted his money

the store should open more registers when it’s this busy.

As the red-faced kid stood there

completely unsure of what to say

(not that the old poop gave him a chance to speak anyway)

he still listened to his grumbling and complaining anyway.

At this point I had enough

and needed to say something.

“Sir, if you’re that upset

why not make your complaint to the store manager

instead of a part-time employee

who looks like he might have just started his job yesterday.”

I pointed to the customer service desk directly ahead of us saying,

“it’s right there, by all means  go for it!”

complaints department

It amuses me

because when some people

who think they can intimidate other people

are challenged,

 how quickly they can turn

into complete chicken sh*ts.

The best part was even though

he spewed off a few times earlier

(and of course in a very loud tone to draw attention)

that he should just leave

and they didn’t deserve to get his money,

  the old poop stayed

to buy what he needed anyway

(a little quieter I may add)

Now don’t get me wrong,

his point is valid

and it’s so annoying to be looking at unused registers

with so many people standing in such long lines

even when the store knows this anyway

and trust me,

patience is not one of my most endearing qualities

and I do get just as aggravated,

however everyone and their dog

and myself included

knows first hand

that complaining to a

young man or young lady

working part-time hours on the weekend

in a little blue vest

will basically get you no-where.

Second of all,

it’s always nuts on a Saturday

and we all know this,

so really you have a decision to make

before you step out the door,

unless playing Russian roulette

with your blood pressure

is some form of entertainment

that you truly enjoy.

stay or go

Oh and please don’t give me the excuse,

Saturday is my only day to shop.

Stores are open 7 days a week

and unless you work all 7 days

doing 16 hour shifts

than I guess you have every right

to bitch and complain

about having to shop on a Saturday.

A quick observation about Mr Grumpy Ass,

he looked like he should be retired,

so I couldn’t help but think

Saturday can’t be his only option.

I used to work retail

many moons ago,

and nothing could ruin my day more

than getting yelled at by some cranky person

for something completely out of my control

or something I knew in my heart

needed to change

but it wasn’t in my hands to make it happen.

So the next time you decide you’re going to go shopping

knowing full well how busy it’s going to be,

and how aggravated you will more than likely become,

take a second to remember this.

That employee you manage to corner

or try to intimidate

(and if you look closely won’t have a name tag saying “store manager”)

isn’t going to sound any alarms

or announce over the loud-speaker

that because you have entered the building

a parade will lead you to your own personal check out lane.

I caught up with that young man after the old poop incident

because I remembered how it felt myself.

What was technically a good day for the most part

was something I couldn’t wrap my head around

because of one very annoyed person

taking aim at me.

I just wanted the young lad to know

that what just happened

was unacceptable

and told him this.

“I hope that man didn’t upset you?”

I asked him to please try to remember one important thing

that I had learned a very long time ago.

“Some people have nothing better to do

than be miserable

so please do yourself a favour

and don’t let one bad moment

destroy a full day of good ones.”

I think he got it

but he did look a bit confused,

so it basically came down to this!

idiots ruin your day

A little something we all need to think about!

Make it a great day everybody 🙂

show of hands…Did you lie today?

Caught your attention, huh?

So some of you are thinking,

“I can’t imagine where she is going with this one?”

Knowing by nature

that the majority of us are not

 shifty car salesmen or circus vendors

or anything close to being crooked politicians.

 We certainly have no such intentions

of being pathological liars either.

nixon

Hang on a second…

Let me ask you this?

Did any one of you,

speak to someone

whether in person or via phone today,

who may have asked how you are doing

and without any hesitation you replied,

“I’m fine thanks”

Now some of you may be sitting there thinking,

I did and I was really fine.

Okay, I’ll give you that

but if you want me to be technical,

what about last Monday

or 2 months ago on a Saturday.

Pretty sure there isn’t one person who reads this

that has not fibbed through their

fake smile and gritted teeth.

The thing is we do it way more

than we care to admit or acknowledge.

It’s like the longest running addiction known to man.

happy-sad smile

Let’s see here.

You have an awful headache and sinus cold

and you stop at the pharmacy

to pick up medication.

Good lord,

as you are paying for your drug of choice,

you just lied to the cashier when she said,

“How are you today?”

and what did you reply with?

I’m fine Thank You!

So there’s been a family issue going on.

It is a large part of your every waking moment.

Nothing on the outside is of any importance

as you tend to getting through another crisis in your life.

A friend you don’t see or talk to very often calls

and of course asks,

“How is the family?”

and what did you say?

We’re all doing fine, Thank You!

Do you see where I am going with this?

The thing is we are all liars.

Not in an evil or calculated way,

because for the most part,

it just isn’t in our character to start spewing off

to a cashier at a convenience store,

“actually these damn hemorrhoids are burning like a b*stard”

which sort of gives meaning to

pants on fire

I don’t really think the guy at the gas station

(who gets paid to ask anyway)

would be concerned to hear,

“I just lost my job, but Thanks for asking”

as you say,

“Can I put that on my credit card today”

The idea is simple really.

We don’t want to share our little secrets

and honestly most people don’t care to listen either.

I guess my intention was to have you think

about the next time you are asked

how you are doing

(and it just so happens it’s not really the best of times)

that you stop and think about

 that lie which is about to jump out of your face.

Repeat after me…

 “Today isn’t really a good day, but Thank God my ass isn’t on fire too!”

ass on fire

Sure hope it helps 🙂

Make it a great  day everybody!

liar, liar pants on fire…

jesus and friends

Before I begin,

no they don’t all walk into a bar.

They do however have meaning

for each of us

whether it be remembering

how each has represented

memories of our childhood,

or now that we have become adults

become a part of our

passing down the lies

to comply with tradition.

There is no question

that the meaning for such events

have been lost along the way

but I just wanted to have some fun with this

in the hopes that it jars some memories

for each and every one of you.

Look back to the lengths

we have all gone to,

or those of our parents,

when it came

to masterminding

or tricking such innocent minds.

First off,

 the tooth fairy

(which by the way has raised her price for a tooth since I was a kid)

Think about

  the calculation and sneakiness

to convince a child

that teeth are actually worth something.

All they have to do

is tie a string from their loose tooth

to a door knob

and slam that sucker

(of course back in the day)

some believed more in the pliers theory.

BA62466

Nothing like telling a kid,

do what you need to do

to make some money.

Seeing as the rate of teeth has risen,

I am betting some of you

are thinking you could have used that pillow money

for the braces on those new replacement teeth

you eventually had to straighten anyway.

smiling_girl_cartoon_with_braces

Now onto the Easter Bunny and Jesus.

So the story goes

that a big, white and cute rabbit

sneaks into your house

and places chocolates

and possibly a bicycle

in the weirdest places.

(the dryer was always the one that I found amusing in my frantic search through the house)

and really never did get

what a bunny had to do

with the resurrection of Jesus.

Unless someone neglected to tell us

that when Jesus came back

he had a pet bunny

who felt the need to leave a trail

of his droppings behind him.

Kind of explains the shape of those little wrapped chocolate eggs

scattered all over the house Easter morning.

I know…Ewwwwww!

jesus and bunny

Last but not the least

(and the kids favorite of all)

The jolly guy in the big red suit.

 The one used as bribery

to have the kids do what we want

especially come December.

Or in other cases,

convincing little minds

that a happy fat guy

can actually wiggle and fit

down a chimney

with a bike or doll-house

(completely assembled of course)

and actually have the time

in his very busy evening

to scoff down

milk and cookies

and still cover the globe

in one night with one sleigh

and toys for every child on the planet

strapped to the back.

 Let’s not forget his flying reindeer as well.

Animated-santa-reindeer

As ridiculous as that one sounds,

it did work and still does.

So now that I have made some

pretty fair assessments

to the extremes we will go to

when it comes to keeping traditions alive.

You really have to consider

why on earth

do we still allow ourselves to continue

with all the charades and foolishness

to appease our children?

After all,

we do teach them that lying is very wrong.

It’s simple really.

Although we have veered so far off

from what the true meaning of

these important occasions

have ever stood for,

and most is based on deception and lies

when it comes to our children.

There’s nothing wrong with creating

magic and  memories

that will always last a lifetime.

Bottom line…

As adults we eventually learn the truth,

and pretty sure none of us are damaged by the deceit.

The secret isn’t about the lying,

it’s about keeping the magic alive.

I remember the happiness in my heart

when it came to all the anticipation,

and although my parents

went above and beyond

in the grand scheme of things

to pull off what seemed to be the perfect plot

year after year,

I actually have some amazing reminders

of what all the fuss was really about.

Ladies and gentlemen…

When you feel a bit overwhelmed

in what craziness is needed

to get through one of these life events,

take a minute to breathe.

Thank your lucky stars

that you were duped as a child as well,

a given the chance to experience

the betrayal and silliness.

 If possible,

be thankful for the helping hands

who pulled everybody through it.

Here’s to our partners in crime!

partners in crime

Without them,

how could we have ever

made any of the stories believable to kids

when it comes to

Jesus and a rabbit,

chocolate eggs in the dryer,

money appearing under a pillow,

a fat guy in a red suit

handing out free toys,

but my most favorite of all…

a flying red-nosed reindeer and his cronies!

Make it a great day everybody!

~God Bless~

changing one word could make all the difference…

In our quest to find the fountain of youth,

I am amazed at the lengths

at which we will continue to search.

It came to me as I attempted what so many of us

mistakenly think is the first step to getting there,

which just happens to be in a box labelled

L’Oreal #60

(for light brown hair)

hair washing shower

So this isn’t me,

but some of you have to admit to having a bit of fun

while you wait for the miracle potion to set.

What is also astounding is how much

we are in search to feel vibrant and unscathed

by what years of being on this earth can do to us.

It is almost like we need some sort of direction

to sink our beliefs into

or at least a sign of some kind that really exists.

fountain of youth

It’s a road some of us are hell-bent and determined

to chase and follow.

From dying our grey haired locks

to slathering ourselves in all the magic lotions and creams

that claim we can look and feel exactly

how we did in our 20’s.

So right about now,

I can almost hear the giggles,

and even envision the eye rolls.

In our wisdom of being on this earth

we know better

yet somehow rely on the fact that

technology and all those scientific minds out there

may one day figure out

that there just could be a way.

Let’s face it…

We want so desperately to believe

but when you stop and think about it,

what exactly do we want?

Is being 20 something again,

and going back really where we want to put ourselves?

I think it’s more about trying not to buck the system.

It’s more about not re-living what has already happened.

Been there done that.

So what is it we are truly in search of?

I think we get to a point

that we finally admit the inevitable

and wake up each and every day

hoping that today is a feel good day.

That the hair dye we chose is the closest colour

to match our wrinkled skin tone.

(otherwise it’s time to call your hairdresser for an emergency intervention)

That the wrinkle remover we paid way too much for

is actually is working

(even though a quick glance in the mirror shows a few new lines since yesterday)

That whatever medications we need to alleviate

our aching muscles kick in

well before we step out into the world and go on with our day.

Which basically means

any attempt to sitting down

or standing up without making any groaning sounds is a very good day!

 (if you haven’t noticed this before, you will now)

Here’s the thing.

We have all been in the pursuit of the fountain of youth.

It’s been a myth passed on through the ages

and yet we haven’t given up on it.

(of course technology is giving us a leg up on getting closer to any answers)

and God only knows how hard we keep looking.

fountain of youth 1

  The reality of it all

is there has never been any proof

that the fountain of youth has ever existed.

As much as we all want to defy the aging process,

or believe that someday this could be possible,

there is no such thing.

 However maybe it’s time we change its name

and give it a more realistic meaning

that isn’t about what it is not,

but rather what it really should have been all along.

THE FOUNTAIN OF FAITH!

After all,

we can’t live longer

but we can always live better!

Make it a great day everybody!

~God bless~

how to make a friend in 20 minutes!

Have you ever wondered

 if you are in the right place at the right time?

Today’s story is exactly what crossed my mind.

Greater Sudbury-20131005-00247

Everyone knows I do my walk at the boardwalk.

Just as I started my morning trek,

I approached a woman standing with her camera,

obviously struggling with it.

As I got closer to her

(and in somewhat of a broken English)

she asked if I knew how to operate these

“new fangled contraptions”

Little did she know,

I am a techno idiot when it comes to them,

and I didn’t have my glasses

so this was going to be interesting to say the least.

However, I took the camera and between the two of us,

I was able to find what she was looking for.

“There it is” she said,

and when I glanced at it,

it was tall dead grass

with the lake in the background.

I have to admit,

it really didn’t seem all that exciting to look at,

but what she said next had me stop and think.

“Isn’t this just beautiful?

We walk by this every day not even noticing,

but once you take the picture it gives it life.”

When I looked at it again,

I realized how true her words were.

It was something to see and really could have been a picture for a postcard.

Now that she seemed happy to have what she was looking for,

I told her to enjoy the scenery, have a nice day

and I was ready to resume my walk.

Not so fast Kimmie!

Next thing I know,

she is walking along side me

and asking if she could join me.

I will admit,

I prefer to walk alone so I can

go at a pace I am used to

but how do you refuse someone who seems so darn sweet.

“Absolutely” I replied

and off we went.

walk-in-the-park

I guess I should explain that she was an elderly woman,

a little shorter than myself

so it didn’t take me long to realize I had to adjust my strides

and slow it down

because it was very obvious my pace was a bit much for her.

I discovered she was from Poland,

moved here years ago with her husband.

She loves to walk in the fall,

and is known to pick and cook wild mushrooms.

( not the magic ones for anyone wondering)

She gave me a quick lesson on how some of them are poisonous

so you really have to know what you are doing

but she was convinced she had mastered the recipe

and seemed very proud to admit it.

She makes special trips

to Manitoulin Island and High Falls

 every year with her best friend

to walk the trails

and to admire the changing colours of the leaves.

As we met up with a woman walking her dog,

she just had to stop and pet it

and tell the owner of the dog how beautiful he was.

Yup! She is dog lover.

Actually, she loves all animals

and is a big supporter for wildlife conservation

and I could tell by her voice

how passionate she really was.

Once that little interaction was over,

she proceeded to tell me her and her best friend

were heading to Cuba in November.

Apparently her husband would be away at a  conference for his work,

so last-minute she decided to join her friend

and get one more chance to warm her feet up

and soak in some warm sun.

Oh and she likes to walk in the mornings

when she is there

because any later she would burn her shoulders

and have to cover up the rest of the time.

I suppose I should explain why I am telling you all the details.

We really only walked together for maybe 20 minutes

before we got to a spot

where she went one way,

and I went the other.

Such a short time,

and as I walked away,

I felt like I just made a new friend.

 The best part for me

was as we said our goodbyes,

she said,

“I hope I see you again”

I smiled back, wished her a great trip with her friend,

and said

“You can tell me all about it when you get back.”

We waved and we were both on our way.

So was I in the right place at the right time?

There’s a good chance I may never see her again,

only because I have never run into to her before.

I have to believe I was.

This woman obviously wanted someone to talk to

and I needed her to remind me

that sometimes it’s good to slow down

and enjoy what is right in front of you.

Of course God may have brought us together

for some other reason…

He knows I love my mushrooms!

in the moment 1

Make it a great day everybody!

ain’t nobody got time for that…

It seems it is that time of year.

You guessed it!

You are Thick,

and you want Thum Thoup!

( and yes our inner Sylvester appears when our nasal cavity is plugged up and we feel like a pile of Thit! )

sick 2

I really don’t think I have to describe the symptoms,

because who hasn’t felt the ravages of that nasty

cold or flu bug?

All I know is it takes away precious moments

of our lives that we never get back.

It grabs a hold of our happiness

and puts us in a head lock

begging for mercy

like some beaten up wrestler

pleading for the chance to breathe.

It has us slowly slugging along

doing whatever is necessary to just function.

Our warped and delusional minds

have us convinced

we are nearing the end of our life,

(okay, so that was a bit much)

but come on people

everything hurts way more when we are sick.

All we want

is to be in a horizontal position.

Our couch, a comfortable blanket,

our favorite pillow and a box of tissues

is our only salvation.

Growing up,

you knew you were sick

if a glass of flat ginger ale was on the coffee table in front of you.

Suffering in that moment,

the hell with the rest of the world.

We have found our sanctuary.

sick 4

The really sad part is most of us

don’t have the luxury of hiding on the sofa

or thofa for those who are reading this right now.

We have duties to tend to.

No rest for the weary as they say.

So in some lame attempt we soldier on.

Okay, so it’s at a snail’s pace

and not with very much enthusiasm,

but we do it.

Even though it hurts to blink

and our legs feel like they will buckle underneath us,

especially if that one sneeze that is festering

and is gathering speed and about to blow,

we manage to brace ourselves.

( so this maneuver is done in the fetal position)

I never said it would be a pretty bracing.

Work, family and life

just won’t allow us

that simple solution

to rest and heal.

So in most cases our motto is simple really.

sick 1

Bet some of you are thinking

I am going to give you some inspirational words

that will provide some sort of relief

or a miracle cure to rid you of your suffering.

Good Lord!

If I had that special power

I would rule the world.

It’s a part of our lives,

and we all have to face that demon

at some point.

It really is inevitable

because unfortunately most people

don’t follow the rules of washing their hands

as often as the experts recommend,

or sneeze into their bent elbows

to prevent those God awful germs

from piercing into our personal spaces.

sneezing

We pretty much have no choice but to handle it,

and all the grumbling in the world

has no power to change it

(however it sure makes us feel a little better to bitch and complain anyway)

Isn’t it funny that we wait till we feel like a bag of dirt

to make mental notes of what we should have been

better prepared for.

For example:

Keep our medicine cabinets stocked up

with every advertised healing concoction known to man.

(and yes it has to include Buckley’s)

Find any or all good sales on kleenex

(unless it just so happens the bulk toilet paper you buy comes with soothing lotion)

You may want to monitor the condition of that couch of yours

only because you know it will be your resting place for the week

that you are dying that slow death.

Of course our unclear thoughts

will lead us completely into another direction

(which you can blame that fever for if need be)

sick 3

Like I said,

there is nothing I can say

to get any of you through the rough patch

and all I can offer is a little laughter

or maybe a forced smile,

but if none of this has helped,

I suppose it’s always reassuring to know

that someone out there

will swing by to make you

a warm bowl of your favourite

Thoup!

God bless You!

(especially all you sneezers out there)