It seems it is that time of year.
You guessed it!
You are Thick,
and you want Thum Thoup!
( and yes our inner Sylvester appears when our nasal cavity is plugged up and we feel like a pile of Thit! )
I really don’t think I have to describe the symptoms,
because who hasn’t felt the ravages of that nasty
cold or flu bug?
All I know is it takes away precious moments
of our lives that we never get back.
It grabs a hold of our happiness
and puts us in a head lock
begging for mercy
like some beaten up wrestler
pleading for the chance to breathe.
It has us slowly slugging along
doing whatever is necessary to just function.
Our warped and delusional minds
have us convinced
we are nearing the end of our life,
(okay, so that was a bit much)
but come on people
everything hurts way more when we are sick.
All we want
is to be in a horizontal position.
Our couch, a comfortable blanket,
our favorite pillow and a box of tissues
is our only salvation.
you knew you were sick
if a glass of flat ginger ale was on the coffee table in front of you.
Suffering in that moment,
the hell with the rest of the world.
We have found our sanctuary.
The really sad part is most of us
don’t have the luxury of hiding on the sofa
or thofa for those who are reading this right now.
We have duties to tend to.
No rest for the weary as they say.
So in some lame attempt we soldier on.
Okay, so it’s at a snail’s pace
and not with very much enthusiasm,
but we do it.
Even though it hurts to blink
and our legs feel like they will buckle underneath us,
especially if that one sneeze that is festering
and is gathering speed and about to blow,
we manage to brace ourselves.
( so this maneuver is done in the fetal position)
I never said it would be a pretty bracing.
Work, family and life
just won’t allow us
that simple solution
to rest and heal.
So in most cases our motto is simple really.
Bet some of you are thinking
I am going to give you some inspirational words
that will provide some sort of relief
or a miracle cure to rid you of your suffering.
If I had that special power
I would rule the world.
It’s a part of our lives,
and we all have to face that demon
at some point.
It really is inevitable
because unfortunately most people
don’t follow the rules of washing their hands
as often as the experts recommend,
or sneeze into their bent elbows
to prevent those God awful germs
from piercing into our personal spaces.
We pretty much have no choice but to handle it,
and all the grumbling in the world
has no power to change it
(however it sure makes us feel a little better to bitch and complain anyway)
Isn’t it funny that we wait till we feel like a bag of dirt
to make mental notes of what we should have been
better prepared for.
Keep our medicine cabinets stocked up
with every advertised healing concoction known to man.
(and yes it has to include Buckley’s)
Find any or all good sales on kleenex
(unless it just so happens the bulk toilet paper you buy comes with soothing lotion)
You may want to monitor the condition of that couch of yours
only because you know it will be your resting place for the week
that you are dying that slow death.
Of course our unclear thoughts
will lead us completely into another direction
(which you can blame that fever for if need be)
Like I said,
there is nothing I can say
to get any of you through the rough patch
and all I can offer is a little laughter
or maybe a forced smile,
but if none of this has helped,
I suppose it’s always reassuring to know
that someone out there
will swing by to make you
a warm bowl of your favourite
God bless You!
(especially all you sneezers out there)