Who the hell am I ?

Thirty one years ago, I was just coming out of high school without a clue of who I was, or what my life goal would be. I remember doing an evaluation at school to determine what my likes and strengths were, and low and behold, it was chosen that I work with children is some field of  early childhood education. I remember thinking how could I possibly do that. Hell, I was still a kid myself. Hanging out with friends, still involved in sports and having the hardest time wrapping my head around the fact, that I really didn’t have any passion to change anyone else’s lives or becoming a productive member of society. I do remember applying to 2 colleges and being accepted, and when my mother asked me which I would prefer, the one thing I was very sure about, is that I just couldn’t allow them to waste money on my education considering the fact that I wasn’t 100% sure that it’s what I wanted to do the rest of my life.

So what came next was how my story really starts. Fresh out of high school, I got a job at the local Kmart(through a friend) and honestly,  it was only supposed to be for the Christmas rush, but at the time, it was my life and to me it was my future….or at least that’s what is seemed like.

Let’s jump ahead 10 years later…(yes, 10 years) there I was still working at Kmart, and to be honest still not wondering what I wanted to do with my life. Through big changes within the company, I found myself unhappy with the whole change and again, through a friend, I found another job in a warehouse and up until a few weeks ago, I spent the last 21 years there. The company decided to close it’s doors and now I’m faced with the familiar saying….”What now?’

The crazy thing is how strange this feels to me. When you are someone who has kept yourself busy and employed, without any notion that you would be facing the challenge of proving to Unemployment, that “yes I am willing to work” has me treading in unfamiliar waters.

I find myself after 31 years, finally asking myself, “what do I want to do with my life?”  What strikes me as even more strange, is I still don’t have a passion towards anything. People in my life keep saying, “Kimmie, now is your time to do what You want to do” and yet, as a grown woman about to turn 49 very soon, I can honestly say, I have absolutely no idea.

I won’t say I have no options, because I do, but when you have spent your entire life, as I did, doing a physical labour job, it’s hard to put your mind into the idea that “sure I can go to school and learn to be…….”

And there is where I am at and trying to figure out what appeals to me, and at the same time dealing with sitting idle almost lost at times and trying to fill my days without my brain exploding with what lies ahead or if I will find something soon and not worrying that I may have to get back into some low paying job, only cause my back is against the wall.

I have always admired the people in my life, who without hesitation, knew exactly what their calling would be. Waking up each day with passion to continue towards a goal. I struggle with that, still to this day, so I guess that’s why I decided to write about, because God knows, I certainly cannot be the only one!

I have started this blog, because a few people in my life thought I should. I do have stories to share, and who knows, maybe that “passion” I have always been searching for, may be in the form of writing, which I guess means, I better pay closer attention to my abbreviatons and punctuations and Thank goodness for spell check!!

Well that is the start of my story……Not sure where this will lead, or where it may take me, but while I have the time, I may as well share my thoughts.

I will leave you with this, because it always makes me laugh,

The saying always goes, “when one door closes, another always opens”, (which I totally believe) BUT……

Why doesn’t anyone ever mention how long the hallway is??

Until next time…..

Have a great day!!

Carry On!!


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